Uncontrollable and unpredictable
Uncontrollable and unpredictable are not words high-performing fundraisers like to hear. We’re under constant pressure to tell higher-ups exactly what we’ll raise this year, and they tend to think the outcome depends on how hard we work. That’s only true up to a point.
Work is largely uncontrollable and unpredictable, especially when managing teams.
The world is uncontrollable and unpredictable, more so than ever.
Other people are uncontrollable and unpredictable.
Your own behavior is sometimes uncontrollable and unpredictable. Just ask Jerry Seinfeld.
As coaches, we go on and on about the importance of leading in complexity, which is by definition uncontrollable and unpredictable. People rarely listen, and I’ve always wondered why. Is it because I’m a bad explainer? Is it because acknowledging our lack of control is existentially terrifying? Is it because we live in a work culture that values predictability and control as cardinal virtues? Is it because our own identity as a leader is threatened? Maybe it’s all of the above.
You can hate that summer is hot, but that’s not going to make it less hot. You can hate that much of our lives are uncontrollable and unpredictable, but it’s still going to be that way.
So what can you do?
- Relax and accept it. Letting go is not an invitation to nihilism. And there’s still enormous value in trying to control and predict things, as long as you do it with the awareness that you can do everything right and still have a bad outcome. You can and should exert some level of influence on things. Some of my coaching clients express deep relief when they let go of trying to control things that are largely out of their control.
- Understand the difference between influence and control. We can influence many things, including donors, our team, and occasionally even our boss. That’s our job. Here’s a quick exercise: take a sheet of paper and put a vertical line down the middle. On one side, list out the things you can influence. On the other side, list out the things you have zero control over. Spend your time focused on the influence side, leave the uncontrollables alone. Many high performers tend toward “over-responsibility,” blaming themselves when something outside their control doesn’t go well. If you’ve ever said to yourself, “If only I had worked harder, this would have come out differently,” I’m talking to you.
- Quiet your nervous system. Fundraisers are always navigating tight deadlines and pressure to reach projections that may or may not be realistic. Many spend a hefty percentage of their time in some state of activation. And when we are activated, it’s harder to think clearly or be creative. And it’s easier to say something that you might regret. The state of our nervous system, whether it’s calm and present, stormy, or shut down, has a strong influence on how we look at and react to the world around us. Polyvagal Theory, a popular approach to nervous system regulation, helps us track our state and shift into a more present, easeful state. The very best book on the topic is Deb Dana’s Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory. There’s also a bazillion YouTube videos on the subject.
- Educate yourself (and others). A great deal has been written on the topic of leading in complexity. Here are two books and one video to consider:
- Watch this 4-minute video by supercoach and mentor of mine, Jennifer Garvey Berger. It shows how to map both the predictable and the unpredictable worlds. And she explains why raising a kid is way more complex than sending an astronaut to the moon.
- Jennifer’s slim and eminently readable book, Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps: How To Thrive in Complexity, is my bible on the topic. She shows five of the most common ways our denial of complexity steers us wrong, and offers ample tips and practices to navigate complexity like a champ.
- If you really want to nerd out on the topic, Doug Silsbee’s book, Presence-Based Leadership: Complexity Practices for Clarity, Resilience, and Results That Matter, is a potentially life-changing deep dive on the topic.
The world is more chaotic than ever. A famous T.S. Eliot poem urges us to be “at the still point of the turning world.” Fundamentally, that’s our challenge. I know you’re up to it.